Author Topic: Sad and down  (Read 337 times)

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Offline Mike

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Sad and down
« on: September 01, 2017, 09:21:34 AM »
Hey guys hope ya'll doin good. Um last night I had a manic depressive episode in which my dog interrupted which was good. I really really love my dog, but I felt suicidal this time. Being dual personality really sucks as one part of my brain wants to die, but what I call the good side wants to live. Sophie got me outta the house, she stood at the door and threw a fit until I leashed her and took her out and we had a nice walk, I really thought about you guys I just wanna thank you'all forcthis site and maybe some encouragement, as I'm not still outta the woods with this episode I'm in the bed with her right beside me right now idk when I'll wanna get up, but thanks ya'll.. 

Offline Kirsten

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Re: Sad and down
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2017, 09:30:25 AM »
Mike, if you or part of you is having suicidal plans it's important to contact a mental health professional where you live, preferably your own therapist.  I understand that not all suicidal feelings are dangerous, like just wishing you were dead but without a plan (I experience those myself) and they can be really rough.  But if you ever have thoughts of actually executing a plan, please contact your therapist right away, and if you can't reach your therapist, call 911 or go to your local hospital.  Dogs can help tremendously with the first kind of suicidal though ("wish I was dead") but not with the second kind where you're thinking about making it so.  It's important to me that you keep yourself safe because I care about you and it's important to Sophie because she depends on you to keep her safe and to care for her.

I'm glad you have Sophie and that she is such a big help to you.

HUGS
Kirsten and Tardis
In loving memory of Cole (1/11/99 - 6/26/12)  He gave me back my life.

"The one absolute, unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world -- the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous -- is his dog." -George G. Vest

Offline Poedog

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Re: Sad and down
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2017, 10:32:00 AM »
Agreed with what Kristen said.

I am so sorry that you're struggling so much and I am sending good thoughts/prayers (whatever you're into) your way. Sophie definitely needs and depends on you- if you can't reach out for help for your self, do it for your sweet pup. Sometimes that has helped me to think of it that way, anyway.

I hope today is an easier day for you.

Offline Mike

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Re: Sad and down
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2017, 11:25:02 AM »
Thank you guys so much I love this site. I do believe I'm gonna suit Sophie up and go to the police station and talk to the chief of police, he's the one that found the guy that sad would have the best gsd for what I need. As some may know she was donated he looked and found the best breeder he knew of its where they get their police dogs. I took my lithium and feel some better. To me it just boggles my mind how she knows to get me out of a hostile environment and to safety. A lot of times I feel like me and her are the only two in the world. And yeah I don't care to tell ya'll I held her and cried and thought about the ppl I would leave behind. Sophie, my wife, my mother my kids. Some times the dark side of my brain just surprises my other side and tries to overcome my good side. Yes I have been institutionalized for suicide, terroristic  threatening putting a gun to my ex's head for hitting my son. I'm what the state calls a 202a for life that means I'm homicidal/suicidal since all my guns have been locked up in my safe and the combination changed, only my wife knows it. All my meds have been locked up also. I'm glad I found this site and that I'm not the only one that needs a special friend to help me out in their life. Thanks ..

Offline OlgatheGSD

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Re: Sad and down
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2017, 11:47:18 AM »
I hope you're doing better today, mike. I had extreme suicide ideation a couple years ago to the point I had a gun and was going to execute a plan. I got a therapist who wasn't great, but talking to someone who knew how hard it is and that with suicide ideation, your brain is chemically dependent on thinking suicide is an option, and it has a rabbit hole effect. It's like a drug addiction, your brain needs it more and more to get its fix. Please don't ever think that suicide is what you actually want. Tell yourself it's your brain being an addict and that you are much happier now than you used to be. It gets worse before it gets better because your brain is fighting to keep those thoughts. Power through it and accept that it's just part of a process that is slow and painful, but is SO rewarding at the end. 2 years later, I am out of the tunnel and it is hard to believe I wanted to die. I fought like hell against my own brain and my own thoughts, and now I am left with extreme anxiety still, but the suicide ideation is no longer there. It is ok to accept that wanting to die may leave, but the issues you had before will still be there. It's ok. Don't beat yourself up if you get through this and find yourself still stuck in a rut. Mental illness is like cancer. It's real and as dangerous as much as cancer is. Sometimes it will be gone for life and sometimes it will come back to rear its ugly head. It is ok, and we all struggle with it. The best goal right now is to focus on living and managing your mentally illness, one peg at a time.

It is important to know and believe that you are not alone, and there ARE people who love you and appreciate you. Sophie loves and appreciates you. We care about you so much. I hope with all my heart that you can get through your pain and survive. I've been in the exact same situation as you, and I know you can live to see a brighter tomorrow.
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Offline Mike

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Re: Sad and down
« Reply #5 on: September 02, 2017, 04:08:17 PM »
I appreciate all the encouragement and advice. Yes it's a struggle almost everyday and I really do feel for the folks that struggle daily. I although did have a good meeting with the chief. He loves Sophie and knows she will pull me through this. Stayed about an hour I guess. He did offer to have one of the deputies drive us home, as per the system agreement any deputy can come and check on me at anytime but I was ok. After we left the station we went to Walmart and walked around. Got a few compliments on Sophie and just general conversation about her which made me feel better. I do enjoy talking to ppl about Sophie and how she has helped me so much. She makes me wanna live and when the dark comes all I can do is hug her and take my meds. And to those ppl I did bad things too I do apologize, and the stores I'm banned from I'm sorry. But what I'm not sorry for and chief and all the officers involved was when my ex's boyfriend caused all of what he did. But that's all in the past and I'm trying to get past that and just move on. Thanks guys

Offline Kirsten

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Re: Sad and down
« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2017, 04:26:17 PM »
It sounds like in addition to having a great relationship with Sophie you also have a great relationship with several in local law enforcement.  That's really great.
Kirsten and Tardis
In loving memory of Cole (1/11/99 - 6/26/12)  He gave me back my life.

"The one absolute, unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world -- the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous -- is his dog." -George G. Vest

Offline Mike

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Re: Sad and down
« Reply #7 on: September 02, 2017, 06:38:36 PM »
Yes I do, they come to the house just every little bit to check on things it is a stipulation of my release. Not long ago they let Sophie meet bojar, he's one of their k9s. They came to the door which is always open because I live in a very small Community there are only 630 ppl the community I seen the deputy then a Leash in his hand. He had bojar with em and that was pretty cool, at first Sophie was scared but after a lil bit they started interacting. It was REALLY cool to watch Sophie interact with a true police dog. It really made my heart smile. But yes the law enforcement in our  Community really care about our citizens and especially me LOL. As I say me and Sophie went to Walmart not in search of something to buy, but in search of conversation and some practice. She already knows to heel sit and come. I sit her at the end of the fishing isle and looked a lil bit, I called her and she came right to me. I love her. She helps me so much guys she was born on my birthday and was destined to save my life. I take her everywhere I go. Doc visits X-ray rooms it don't matter without her I would mean nothing..

Offline servicedoginwaiting

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Re: Sad and down
« Reply #8 on: September 02, 2017, 06:52:14 PM »
Mike it sounds like the magic has happened for you and I am so glad. It happened to me too a little more than 10 years ago - a dog saved my life. It wasn't a straight line from there, many ups and downs, but boy doesn't the love of a good dog make such a difference. I am so glad you have Sophie, she sounds amazing. :smile:

Offline Mike

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Re: Sad and down
« Reply #9 on: September 02, 2017, 07:12:34 PM »
(Tears) yes.. she saved my life, you know I got to thinking  I see esa  emotional support animal animal is just my  opinion  used a lot NO NO NO they are dogs and they love that give give us is VERY unconditional no matter what your situation may be. Mine is a dog not an animal..

Offline Punktestern

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Re: Sad and down
« Reply #10 on: September 02, 2017, 07:39:30 PM »
(Tears) yes.. she saved my life, you know I got to thinking  I see esa  emotional support animal animal is just my  opinion  used a lot NO NO NO they are dogs and they love that give give us is VERY unconditional no matter what your situation may be. Mine is a dog not an animal..

They use ESA/Emotional Support Animal since other types of animals, not just dogs, can be ESAs. :- )
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