Discussing SD with household members?

[paintedmutt]

Oh gawd, don't even get me started on psychiatrists!  The numerous ones I've been to in the past never did pick up on my social anxiety, so I never knew it was an actual thing until a few years ago.  I get all my happy pills from my general practitioner now:P.

[paintedmutt]

Well, exactly what I expected would happen, happened.  My partner caught me logging onto this forum last night, and without even knowing why I was looking at the forum, immediately said that I didn't need a service dog and that I was overreacting.  He went on to say that a dog that went to me could go to a blind person instead, and if I had a service dog that picked things up for me, I would get worse because my muscles would waste away and give me more pain...I don't need help picking up things because of my muscle pain, I need help picking up things because of my orthostatic hypotension.  I think the thing that irritated me the most was that he thinks I get around just fine and shouldn't use a dog if I can just lean against a wall instead.  Never mind the fact that just a few days before that I was having major balance issues and confusion in Wal-Mart and got scared out of my mind when he left me alone (without even letting me know first) to go find something in another part of the store...I guess I should have quit using the cart to steady myself and let myself stumble and knock stuff over :|.  Blah.  At least he brought it up that it would be good to have a dog to alert if I fell or passed out in the shower (even if he said that's the only thing that an SD would help me with).

In the end I told him that I'm just looking into an SD as a possibility and wasn't ready to talk about it because I wanted to talk to my doctor first before I discussed it further with him, and we changed the subject.  In any case, it made me realize just how little my guy knows about what it's like dealing with my "invisible" symptoms on a regular basis and will be writing up something to help him understand what he can't physically see (even though I know for a fact that he sees me stumble and touch the wall and furniture while I'm walking around the house).  I still felt like an idiot trying to defend myself though, especially since I wasn't ready to talk to him about it yetD:.

Blargh *rantfumewhinecomplain*!

[Roxie]

So, stuff kinda hit the fan, huh? I was concerned about that happening.

Obviously your partner doesn't have a clue. But... it is a good point that you need to actually do all you can do independently all the time. It is important to keep the bar raised above your reach, and past what you think you can do.... then do it.

Only you will know what you truly need. No one else.

Sounds like you have some educating to do. Does your partner feel threatened by a dog helping you... and your partner is scared of being phased out and not necessary?

For me, I wouldn't really give a rat's rear if my partner approved or disapproved about what I do to manage my medical condition. I do not need approval or permission to do whatI choose to do for my best interest and well-being. I'd tell my partner that is their problem to deal with and not mine. I'm kinda blunt and confident  to say what I need to say. I'm not too worried how someone feels about it. Their problem... not mine... how they choose to react.

Is your partner going to sabbotage your efforts with a SD? Support you? Criticize you and tell you what you need?

I am so sorry you had this shock and disappointment.Hang in there.

Roxie

[Spirit]

I'm so sorry!!!

I agree with Roxie. But, he may just be shocked or feeling some denial, not wanting to think about the fact you are disabled. It's scary for people who love you. Men also are kind of like that- they freak, then go in the man cave and think for a while. Then they come out and reason with you.

I hope he comes around.

[desertranger]

Unfortunately my family only believes in SD in a book fashion or from the intellectual view.  Not from any practical one even though I'm trying to train Jin.  Their lack of support is a major problem.  To Them Jin is just another working dog to be treated as such so they don't help with his special training or aid in  discouraging his bad habits. That's left to me alone. IN my estimate that will double the time to train Jin if I can.

that's can be very discouraging.

[state_of_nowhere]

I'm sorry things blew up. 
I think part of it is that he's concerned about being replaced, even if he won't readily admit it. When were you diagnosed? I only ask because he keeps saying you're "overreacting". Was the diagnosis recent?

My family most certainly doesn't understand the extent of what I deal with on a daily basis, and my father is a doctor with access to my medical records!! My mother eggs him on though. I recently ran into someone who said, "I didn't know you were sick. I just spent hours talking to your mom and she said you were great." lmao Riiiiight.

Based on what you've said about your neuro, it doesn't sound like she's going to be too supportive of this either. If this is really something you feel will help you, you may have to seek out alternative providers.

ETA: I also want to point out that just because you "get along fine" without a dog, doesn't mean you don't need one. Technically, I get along just fine without a dog too. Max isn't going to cure me, he's going to help make things easier and increase my level of independence so that I can continue to "get along fine" more on my own. I could keep doing what I'm doing, but frankly, it sucks. lol

[Spirit]

Exactly. I get along fine too, I guess- as long as I don't do anything but sit at home or go out with my husband or mind getting lost and confused and having panic attacks in public!

[AlexP]

Paintedmutt, I'm really sorry to hear this. I don't really have anything to add to what others have already said, but definitely keep us updated. Also, I (and the others too I'm sure) am here if you just need someone to rant to.

[desertranger]

I think Alex might have some use here if we can rant at him. 

[AlexP]

Lol Ranger! I'm actually a female Alex by the way, for anybody who wasn't sure. My full name is Alexandria but I've always gone by Alex. And don't feel bad; people have made the mistake online and in person before (when I was younger and had really short hair) lol.

[paintedmutt]

...Yeah, I'm horrible at replying to things in a timely manner.

Well, it wasn't exactly a stuff hitting the fan moment as it was me getting agitated at my guy's response.  Just the way he shot down my reasons for considering a service dog and made light of my symptoms ("invisible" as they may be) ticked me off, so I cut the conversation off.  It did make me realize how little he understands about what I deal with on a day-to-day basis, so I just finished a loooong note explaining everything for him.  Hopefully he'll get it.

I'm not sure if he feels threatened or not...it's probably more him never really having dealt with nothing more health-related than colds and the occasional flu in his life, so a service dog probably sounds like major overkill to him?  I dunno.

I was diagnosed in 2005, and since we had talked online for a year before physically meeting, my boyfriend's known about my problems from the start.  I'm not sure if it's relevant or not, but I just found out about two months ago that my condition probably can't be correctly surgically, hence me looking into non-surgical options such as an SD.  It was a big enough life-jerker to me that I have to suddenly look into other options to help myself, so maybe he's just as shocked.

Thanks for the support, everyone!  I'm getting together as much information as I can regarding SDs and have compiled a task list, so hopefully I can get my neuro's support when I see her in a month or so.  Maybe that will get my guy to understand a bit more if so, assuming the huge note I wrote him doesn't clue him in:P.