As for being your significant other...obviously he'd have to be involved at some point. I think it's a good idea to talk to your neurologist first, as that way your idea will have credibility. "My doctor thinks a service dog is a good idea" is a lot better than "I think a service dog is a good idea."
Yeah, I definitely agree on the credibility thing, so I'll definitely be waiting until I talk to my neurologist about it, since I'm not sure if she'd recommend a service dog or not. My SO would definitely have to be involved as well, since we live together, so that's something he'd have to work with me on.
Are you saying you are scared your partner might leave you if you get a SD?
Goodness, noXD! He knew about my health problems before we actually started dating, and has always been nothing but supportive in the 3+ years we've known each other. We also started out as long distance (I'm from CA, he's from NC), so it's taken a lot of dedication on both our parts in order to be able to physically be together. The only thing I'm afraid of is that he'll try and talk me out of the idea due to the fact that it costs money in order to care for a dog, but my argument for that is, if he can spend $100 a month on cigarettes, I can spend part of my grocery salary on a dog's food and healthcare. The other argument (and probably the main one, if I do get an argument from the guy) is that we are currently living with my SO's mother and her boyfriend, and it's the mother's boyfriend who owns the house. They have a dog and a cat, but the house owner's stance on animals is "no more pets (although a service dog is not a pet, he probably wouldn't see it that way)," and he doesn't believe in trying to do anything to alleviate your health problems. However, by the time I most likely would receive a service dog from a program, my partner and I will have moved out into our own place, or would almost be ready to move out, so they wouldn't have to live with a new dog in their house for long if at all. Still, this will be my partner's biggest argument against a service dog if there is one.
I do know it's my decision, and I'll definitely stand up for myself on the matter, but at the same time I don't want to cause unnecessary fighting or disgruntlement among the people I live with, so that is why I'm so unsure about how to bring it up to othersD:.
I tend to educated anyone and everyone with whatever research obsession I have at the moment. I might not at first bring it around to me, but would be more apt to talk and talk and talk about the general topic until they are very much used to it and then bring up my own thoughts about possibly getting a dog for myself.
That said, I would look at how you and your SO usually communicate about important decisions. I would assume this could be handled similar as to news about a move or job change or something of the sort... something to be discussed and supported.
I'm definitely the type of person to talk about things I've been reading about as well, so I'll no doubt end up mentioning random things I've read regarding service dogs to my partner, as I've already done so a few timesXD. As for communication, that's a very strong point for us. The only problem is that I'm the idealist 98% of the time in conversations, and my guy is the realist. I just don't want a conversation regarding something that I want to do for my own health to end in "I wish we could, but it's not gonna happen because of *certain person or thing's name here*." Reminds me of someone telling a little kid that they can't bring their Amstaff puppy with them when they move to a BSL city because "it just can't happen". Oy.
The way I approached it (I also live my SO) was, "I think I'd benefit from a service dog, how do you feel about a dog in the house?" Since my partner has seen me on my best and worst days, she knows exactly how things are. I know that having a dog will change both of our lives - for one I won't be relying on her as much for things. I know she has no complaints about this, but I think she'll be kinda sad too. After all, it's nice to be needed, but not needed TOO much.
The thing to remember is that this decision will ultimately affect your SO and your relationship, especially if he's been helping to mitigate your disability.
My boyfriend would love to have a dog(s) in the house if we had our own place right now (there's no way I could date someone who didn't love animals as much as I do:P), and he's seen how hard it is for me on my bad days, so I know he wouldn't have a problem with a service dog when it comes to those areas. However, I
am worried that he might get a little jealous or feel somewhat hurt if he thinks he's being "replaced" as the person who helps me get around when I need it.
He will also have to deal with being out with you and the dog in public, access issues, the stupid people of the world, etc. This is all something my SO and I have discussed.
This is another big thing that I'm worried my SO might not be able to handle. While I've never seen him go off on someone in public, he tends to get offended by stupid people running their mouths off at him, etc and, unless he decides it's one of those days where it's the offending person's problem and not his, he'll be p.o.'d about it for the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure he'll understand if I explain that there are people out there who can and will try and cause access issues and that we wouldn't be breaking any laws with a genuine service dog, but he might also turn around and say that we could just avoid access issues by me simply not aquiring a service dog in the first place.
My DH loves dogs. The only concern I had was his wanting to play with and bond with my SD. I didn't want to have to remind him not to just go for him and rough house him every time he sees him. So far he's been really good. They have play time, but only under my supervision and with my permission. He does no hands on care (but he doesn't for my pet dogs either).
Yeah, this would be a concern for me as well. I'm sure my partner would understand if he were not allowed to really bond with an SD, but it would be difficult for him not to and I'm afraid it might mess with our relationship a bit if he feels I'm giving a dog that he is not attached to himself more attention than I give him. If he were allowed to play with the dog though under supervision, even if it wasn't for a few months at first, I have no doubt he'd be fine with that though.
It seams to me support from your neuro would show it isn't just over reacting. I'd do exactly what you are doing: get confirmation from your doctor and then discuss it with him.
A warning: sometimes doctors don't get it re: service dogs. They can have their own biases and think they're just for the blind. If that happens, consider getting a second opinion.
Yep, I definitely want to hear what my neurologist has to say about it first. The only thing that worries me is that she's, well...she's a little loopy. When my mother noticed a decline in my health and thought that home and hospital / homeschooling would be best for me for my last year of high school, my neuro thought it would be a better idea if I got a new set of books for each class
in addition to at home, as well as a special desk
in each over-crowded classroom...complete with an arm rest. When the school looked at us funny and told us that, no, there was no way they'd be able to do that, we went back to the neuro and she finally just signed the papers for homeschooling.
The last time I saw her, I asked her if disability would be a good idea because I'm trying to get out on my own as an adult but would have a very hard time working in my current state. She told me it would be a better idea if I continued to mooch off of my parents and the health insurance I get from them (I'm only on it still because I'm listed as a "disabled dependent") until my partner finishes college and gets a high-paying job that will be able to support the both of us. I told her that there is no way he's going to be rich anytime soon, if ever, and that I'd feel very guilty if I relied on him for the rest of my life. She said I shouldn't feel guilty, I'd be giving him companionship in return. I wouldn't be surprised if I brought up the idea of a service dog and she said "I don't really see how that would help you...what about a service
robot instead?"
I agree with that, too. My shrink never heard of PSDs but my psychologist had and she educated her and she was on board 100% once she read a little about them and I explained the tasks I want him to do. Doctors are people too and a good one will at least hear what you have to say. Print out some info, make it very easy for your doc to do some research.
I'm not even going to think twice about bringing a good amount of information with me when I see my neurologist...the way that woman's head works, she'll need it in order to help me make a good decisionXD.
Thank you for the replies and tips, everyone! I really appreciate the help:)! Sorry if I rambled as well, I'm not the best when it comes to writing out my thoughts coherentlyD:.
Topic: Discussing SD with household members? (Read 1414 times)